Solitude

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I would like to start this blog by sharing a poem by Danielle Doby:

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Silence is a scary thing. Loneliness can be suffocating. Looking inward can be terrifying. Facing your pain can be devastating, and independence is never easy. In the past few years, I have learned a lot about myself. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is how to be alone. I still have not mastered the art of solitude or independence, but I don’t think mastering solitude is as important as the effort.

When I first began practicing solitude, I realized that I did not like to be alone. If I wanted to go grab a bite, I would invite someone to come along. If that person declined I would ask someone else, and the cycle continued until someone said yes. I found that if I wanted to get something done, whether it be an assignment or an errand, I liked to have someone with me. These seem like really simple desires right? Nobody wants to be alone. I love my friends and I like to be with them. That’s natural right? The issue with never having alone time is that it can become such a habit that when we are finally alone, we cannot self- motivate, we can’t self-love, and so on.

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I know most people must be sick of the “we are always on our phones” discussion, but it is pertinent to this blog so try and stick with me.

Social media and technology have so many benefits. One being that it allows people to connect all over the world. It also is an ever present cushion that we can use when we are alone. Essentially, if you think about it, technology allows us to never truly be alone. If you’re feeling insecure, you can throw up a cute selfie and get a few hundred likes. You’ll feel better. Feeling restless or lonely? Post it on your story. Someone is bound to swipe up and check on you, validate you, and reassure you. Feeling stressed? veg out to an endless supply of funny videos, posts, tweets , or maybe go to a more R-rated site to find your comfort. Trust me, we’ve all been there. At the end of the day , we all have things that plague us in moments of silence. As a result , we run from loneliness and search for validation from others sources.

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The point is, we never are alone so it’s hard to learn what Solitude really means. I love this poem from Danielle Doby because she is proud of her solitude.

She says “the relationship i have with self is a sacred one , for all it is the soil all connection will bloom from.”. It’s true what people say about self love and falling in love. It may sound cliche, but you cannot truly love and live freely if you have no love for yourself. The time you spend with yourself is crucial and prepares you for the loud noise that comes along with life. I wish that I could love my solitude, love my alone time, and love myself in times of silence. Sometimes it’s just not that easy. What i’m learning is that solitude means not only embracing alone time, but choosing it. When you choose to spend time alone and embrace your pain, your fears, and your past. You learn all about your inner weaknesses but also your inner strength and God’s comforting spirit. I think that solitude can be scary for that reason alone.

I would like to add that there is a clear difference between loneliness, isolation, and solitude. I have experienced all three, and I think it is important that we know the difference. Often times, feeling lonely or feeling the need to isolate yourself is a warning sign that you need some solitude. Solitude is not simply being alone, it is being INTENTIONAL with your alone time. How you spend your time alone is not useless, and working to make your down time productive is a crucial key to self love. Let’s be clear, sitting on my phone for three hours on social media platforms is NOT healthy whether I enjoy it or not. So often, I am plagued by a feeling of loneliness or depression, maybe just simply feeling down and instead of taking the time to search out the heart of that issue, I pull out my phone, throw on a Netflix show, or use my favorite coping mechanism: sleeping.

We tend to run to these habits when something is hurting on the inside. (Or even when we feel lost/lonely/discouraged/burned out, etc). Whenever I feel tempted it helps me to ask myself, “what am I looking for and what is hurting?” Then I can have an even more honest conversation with the Holy Spirit. This can be really hard, and even scary.

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Well, God wants to reveal something to you. He loves your solitude, your silence, and your weakness. This is because God is exemplified in our weaknesses. God wants to speak with you, comfort you, and be your confidant. In those times of loneliness and silence, he is the most present. My youth pastor once defined solitude with Psalm 46:10 which says:

 “Be still, and know that I am God;

God tells us to “be still” as “to be quiet in his presence.” Silence is important and so is stillness, but my youth pastor taught me that the verse also means to stop frantic activity, to let down, to be still.

This verse can be translated to: “Cease striving and know that I am God.”

I love this translation of the verse the most. We are constantly striving for something in our lives: success, freedom, peace, and so forth. Sometimes this constant striving can block God’s voice. All the noise and bustle of daily life can make God’s still small voice almost unrecognizable. This is why Solitude is so important; not only is it important for yourself and your inner strength, but it is also important to God. He longs to have one on one time with you.

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Take some time for yourself. Sit in silence , read the bible or any good book, journal, take in the beauty of nature, and listen for the voice of God. Practice Solitude because you owe it to yourself and you owe it to the people that you’re doing life with.